Sadness will turn to Joy.....someday.

I cant describe the sadness I felt when I saw my beloved Magic Kitty laying in the grass passed away... a kind neighbor called and said he had found Magic and I ran over quickly to see for myself.... It was her. Her little body was just laying in the pouring rain. I put my hand on her and told her she was okay and that I would take care of her now... then I cried my eyes out. Oh sweet kitty... 12 years old died doing what she loved exploring. I hope she was not killed by someone... she did not look torn up in any way... Boy did I cry. She was such a fresh kitty..always getting into this and that and knocking over things and ONLY throwing up on my favorite rug...She was always there to keep me warm when I had the blanket over me and always there when her favorite spaghetti sauce was cooking ready to get on the counter and drive me crazy.. I felt like she pooped in her box a million times a day! LOL She has been to the vet numerous times after fights with small animals and always made it thru. When she slipped out my porch that Tuesday afternoon I had no doubt that she would be back. She always came back. After a couple days I began to leave food out but that was not good since there are alot of cats out there not to mention racoons or whatnot. yuck. After a week I put up fliers around my neighborhood and a week later someone had found her. What could have happened? I will never know. Oh sweet Kitty... I cried alot. I had some epic sadness... not just for my kitty but for alot of things.... I missed my house, I missed my Miles, I missed my cat, I missed small things like my front porch! I was a mess... I am not so much a mess now but I still miss those things terribly... nothing I can do. Madie and I are good. We are a team. We are US. With or without these things we HAVE TO CARRY ON.... Love Love and oh yes MORE love. And SO begins Madies spring break this coming week and I plan on just getting the f outta dodge for a little while and probably taking madie to the shore for the week. Its alot of packing for a week but I just NEED the beach.... I feel so sad. I wish I lived on the beach really I do... Its so relaxing. Then again what if a storm wipes out my tiney shack that I can only afford...LOL maybe a few blocks away.....yea. The weather is supposed to be in the high 60's this week...spring is trying its darndest to come out and play but its been pretty bad... winter cold just wont quit. comes and goes. HEre are some pictures from the last pretty warm day we had. It was HEAVEN. I actually think its kinda cool that I have a clothes line. The blankets smelled SO YUM after that day drying in the sunshine. Madie and I just hung out side and the breeze was so warm :) she loves the breeze. OH and all went well in HArtford last week too... Blood work was hardest part for Madie but she was an alert happy kid for the doctor for the first time in forever..lol I always tell her that Dr D does not have anything that hurts...lol she tends to not get it. Diet will stay same for now.. we will be trying to add in some small meals for her pure' mooooosh I am going to try to make some stuff and freeze it for now. I cannot say how I am going to even start...I think I have tried more times than I can count in the past only to be frustrated and just stop trying... I hope everyone is well and I guess I am done rambling.I hate to end abruptly...its getting to be past 6 and tub time is needed for this little booger. I hope to soon get another kitty for my small family soon...I met one named "courage" how can I not take him! At same time I dont think I am ready to love another kitty yet.... :( I will take some pictures of madie and the world around this week and explode my next post with pictures. :) Ill blog later in week maybe.;) Me.& Madie.xo

Kitties and Life.

Not much going on in Mama and Madies world these days.... Meeting with Nutitionist in Hartford on Wed to go over Keto Diet and also meet with Neuro. These appointments kinda become mundane... I mean we go in and they say ok her seizures are still this many and she is still growing and she is still on depakote and she is still on diet. Not really any advancements.. she is a fussy eater. I really dont know what next step is she cant stay on this nasty ketocal forever!? Its a tough call. and still the same amount of seizures per month.. and ALWAYS on the 5th of every month... that is the only pattern I have seen for months and months... I get anxious always around that time. :( My Beloved Kitty Ran away last week.... it will be 2 weeks come this Tuesday. She simply slipped out my porch. :( I am so worried about her and just pray that if she did die she went to kitty heaven without too much pain.... and if she is lost to help her find her way back home...and if she is trapped someplace that someone finds her... :( She was a pesky kitty alllllways getting into something... Maybe I was selfish and taking her to new apt... maybe I shoulda just left her with Miles.... just for now anyways..till I live in a place that actually is more kitty friendly.. there are too too many cats out there. Perhaps she was scooped up by a hoarder? I hate to think she is dead.. but its been a long time and she has only been away two nights TOPS in the past....:( Please just say a kitty prayer. Just a little one for Magic. Madie and I are Ok. I have my days. I still very much miss my old home... I am working on trying to grow some Herbs and some flowers for spring and trying to look forward to the warmer days. I look forward to long skirts and sandals... My head just wizzes alot... hard to sleep and stay focused. I just really hope that all this is worth it in the end... this new life... I dunno. ONE day at a time. all I can do is keep on doing what I am doing.My place is comming along slowly.. my awesome mother in law gave me a futon couch and a coffee table which is great! I have passed out on the futon about 4 times already its so comfy! who wudda thunk!? Madie is well and very loved by SO MANY and so many just want to see the best come out of all this.. :( Its been hard. I miss silly lazy "family days"..the three of us laughing and being together...feeling love and being safe... even if we just sat around all day and watched movies or went to target or whatever... it was nice... maybe I took it for granted sometimes and I will forever regret that. Spring is in the air.. Wed is supposed to be near 70 here in CT USA... its still in the 50's and driving me crazy that I still cant really open my windows yet without being chilly. Snow is in the past for now and sunshine has slowly replaced the gray days outside. It seriously just down poured for like a minute! Is that a sign the gods are watching? I sure have been feeling all my Angels watching over me lately... hard to explain but when I cry they hold me up somehow.. I guess I am just rambles now. Time to get comfy with Madie and countdown to bedtime I suppose. Hope everyone is feeling well we had house of sickies over her for awhile and I think all noses are finally clearing up. I have to laugh at Miles who graciously gave me some sudafed that expired two years ago... sigh. I meant GO BUY some for me silly. Hugs. and Hugs. you know who who you are. lol Me.

Rambles....

This made me cry.... Oh how I love you so much my Madie Magoobers..... Mama tries so hard to keep on keepin on. Cant wait for spring and pig tails and sunshine. you have to click on image to read..sorry. it came up small on the blogger. Its been very cold in CT...still snowing we just got a few inches on the first day of spring there was snow on the ground. The sun fights to come out and play.... grey clouds cover... On a silly note I have not fallen on the ice lately...I know I know you were all hoping for a good bruise picture huh? lol I did trip on the stairs and banged my shin pretty hard though... I was in CVS and an elderly man..oh bless his heart...said a TAD too loud that he had to get his medicine for his shingles..oh dear. I also decided to curl my hair that day... I had no place to go but I had not used my large barrel iron in awhile...well burnt my forehead and left a mark. sigh.... oh and dont forget the forehead line in the middle of the mark...that was spared. BLAH! Looking sharp mama looking sharp. I am hangin in there. Missing normalcy and the comforts of my old house... my front porch and my totally dying garden... and mowing the grass..(I seriously enjoyed it!) and sometimes seeing deer in the yard eating my neighbors flowers..lol and the "swamp" next to the house that seriously was like its own eco system over there. Black red wing birds would come out and play when the weather got warm and the sounds of the frogs and chirpers were SO loud! But the noise would seriously soothe me to sleep at night. I think even kitty misses her territory...I dont miss the VET bills kitty! All the bunny attacks or whatever would rip up her face out there! LOL New area is not as safe there are alot of other cats out there... so we shall see. Well I suppose that life is over now. I dunno...sigh. I am surrounded by a wonderful support network of family and friends and even my new neighbors that surround me. I guess it all depends on how I see it. Teacher meeting for Madie at 230...motivation level..zero. Me.

Boogers, SIppy Cups and Life :)

Lots of sniffles and messy noses here in the van Noord duplexville.... really done with the sickies! Its crusty and messy and gets in madies hair...ack. Boy my girl wants to stand.... she does not get the whole move to a table or chair to pull up on but she sits and gets on those knees making herself tall.. Shes wobbles but she gets to her knees. Also gets angry and stiffens up and cries when I try to feed her bottle to her so ya know what? she sits with her SIPPY and feeds herself at her own messy pace! Cutest ever. she has been doing all this for about a week now drinking her keto only from her sippy. Shes been getting up on her knees for awhile. Oh my sweet girl. I hope she progresses more someday. I always said that if she was walking by the time she was 12 so be it!! AT her OWN pace. My baby girl. Shes getting big too.And heavy! Going to see Neurology in a month for a follow up with him and nutritionist ... Diet is going...she has taken to it well. I do not know how long she will be on it.. or how long we will continue with Depakote .. One large seizure for the month of March so far...but usually we had seen 2-3 per month so ya never know what the rest of the month will entitle. I just take each day at a time. I am always scared of seizures or of some terrible regression or that she will fall over and really hit her head bad... ugh just wish seizures would quit once and for all!! such a nuisance at this point! blech. Some days she can be very twitchy and fall over quite a bit. :( Last is the super awesome high back booster I got for her! compared to the other one she had! I did not realize how small it was! I love it and madie loves it she is such a big girl in it! this is the Graco ARGOS 70 in case anyone wonders. and we go it at Babies R US. it was 200 dollars. expensive but oh so worth it. :)! New Big Girl seat :)! And others are just pictures of madie and her beloved sippy lol. ONLY will drink from it. But they have to be the ones with soft tops on them... she does not get the ones that are more hard. (hopefully that makes sense) I have a hunch school will get her some new ones too thru her backpack program that gives her diapers and wipes and other things we can use.. In other news things are going. They love Madie at school and she is happy there which is all I can ask for. Teacher conferences will be soon and we will discuss if she may go into the summer program again and what she is up to at school and how she is doing. The Usual really. Things are going for me....Duplexville lacks some furnishings but its a somewhat cozy yet drafty place... for now. Miles and I I dunno.... we love each other alot and things have been a rollercoaster... I miss him alot and at times we still manage to tell each other we love each other. What happends will happen. Madie adores spending time with Dad and he adores spending time with her. I am blessed for that alone right now. How things will pan out is how they will pan out. We three are always going to be a family...albeit in a dysfunctional way. ;) All you need is love in the end. I feel it can conquer alot. Maybe not in the order you want it to but it can. Till next blog post. Hugs Me. (and Madie)